I hate it when I’m stressed, say something serious, and people laugh.
They know I’m not kidding. But they still laugh.
It’s the most aggravating thing ever.
I still can’t find it in my heart to forgive my friends yet. 

I love being able to relate so much with someone about things like clothes, food, tastes, relationships, and style.
It’s nice having so much to say about things that matter like that.
I learned so many new things today.
I love hanging out just one on one with girls.
Boys are stupid.

Desperation is so unattractive.
I show I’m not interested and then this guy tries everything to get me to like him.
Truth: I’m generally nice to people unless you really truly give me a reason not to be.
So I text him back.
When he asks to webcam, I’m like okay.
I guess this all shows that I might show some interest.
Which is stupid because I text and webcam people all the time.
And then once we webcam, he talks about my friend and about the time he flashed her?
Ok.
Did you seriously have to tell me that?
What would happen if I actually asked her and she said no?
Gosh. Embarrassment.
And then he hangs up on me to be funny.
Kay?
I didn’t want to talk to him after that so I did the same thing to him.
Seriously, I hope this guy dies alone. 

I’m so glad to be given this job.
It’s still unbelievable.
I’m happy I have something to look forward to every week, something to distract me from everything else.
Because no matter how much I deny it, I’m left broken.
It’s a gash that cannot be mended at this time.
I’m done with boys who can’t account for a girl.
I’m done with “friends” with two faces.
I’m done with lies.
I just want to carry on with life and hopefully encounter some mature people. 

Thinking about him kind of hurts a bit still.
It’s hard to imagine how he managed to pull me so hard.
In the end, I’m just left with disappointment and trust issues. 
I find myself thinking of him at random times.
Instead of getting sad though, I smile.
I cherish those memories.
Because for the time being, I felt like the happiest person alive.
It’s hard to believe now, looking back.
But it happened.
We happened.
I’m not ashamed of it, but just a bit disappointed that it turned out to just be another illusion. 

I hate it when guys do fake accents around me. I don’t know how to react. Am I supposed to laugh?

Now that I’m not looking for a guy anymore, 
it’s so easy for me to hate on a guy.
Any wrong thing they say or do triggers me.
A guy playfully called me rude the other day?
I just flipped.
RUDE? REALLY? I’m rude? You’re the dick that’s bringing up random girls trying to make me jealous.
I hate it when guys think they have me all figured out.
Makes me want to punch them in their corn holes when they assume I like them or assume I get jealous easily.
Ahah, you guys are so funny.
And cocky.
And ignorant.
And deceitful.
I don’t even know why I tried. 

I’m at my weakest and most vulnerable point.
I think it’s so weird.
Every girl wants a guy that will spoil her or a guy with hot abs.
I just want a guy who will be my best friend.
I want a someone who will come knocking at my door in the morning to drag me out to exercise.
Or steal all my distractions and help me study.
It’s coming around exam week and the guy who promised me he’d do that is gone.
He’s never coming back.

I don’t like it when guys intentionally try to make me jealous.
I know it’s meant to be playful and funny.
Or they’re trying to get me to like them more.
But it doesn’t work.
I’ve been through with all this and it’s not funny nor fun.
I’m not here to play around. I’m here to look for someone who can be real and chill with me.
If you’re not that guy, you’re not worth my time.

His happiness destroys me.